Big Book Sponsorship for permanent recovery of all addictions

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When I am asked to be the guest speaker at a meeting, How should I tell my story?

Our Twelfth Step states:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

If our primary purpose is to carry our message, that is, our 12 step solution to recovery as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, then, when we are asked to share our story, what should we say and how should we say it?

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states on page 58:

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.

This quote implies that the speaker will identify themself as an addict by sharing their story of hopelessness, that is "what we used to be like" which also implies that we are no longer like that. Next, the speaker shares about "what happened" i.e. how they have recovered - how they worked their program of recovery. The speaker then finishes their story with what promises have been fulfilled as a result of this program, that is "what it is like now".

This quote also implies that the audience having received the speaker's message, have made a decision that they want what the speaker has. This response sets the stage for suffering addicts to commence their journey on the 12 step road to recovery.

How much time should we spend on each section of our story?

For some of us, speaker meetings conjures up memories of sitting for 40 minutes to an hour listening to tedious drunk-a-logs, belabored war stories, tales of woe and misery and sometimes just plain babbling streams of unconsciousness from the "guest" speaker. Sound familiar? Some speakers will even state how they have never even worked the 12 steps - staying sober on meetings alone! Audiences are held captive, never getting a "real" solution, a way out to what ails them. Unable to identify with the speaker's story, newcomers are usually left bewildered or worse yet, depressed, feeling more isolated and apart from the "so-called" fellowship.

Our suggestion, depending upon the amount of time you, is to breakdown your story as follows:

  1. What was I like? - 10% - Share your experience. Qualify yourself. What makes you a 'real' addict? Give your audience a chance to identify with you.
  2. What happened? - 70% - Share your strength - how you found this solution and what you did to recover!
  3. What am I like now? - 20% - Share your hope. Talk about the promises you have received as a result of working this program.

How do we know if our talk has been effective?

In the Preface of the Big Book (A.A. 4th Edition), it talks about the impact of our stories when delivered in an intelligent manner:

If you have a drinking (drugs, sex, gambling, food, co-dependency, etc.) problem, we hope that you may pause when (hearing our stories)...and think: "Yes, that happened to me"; or, more important, "Yes, I've felt like that"; or, most important, "Yes, I believe this program can work for me too."

Tell about your speaker meeting experiences

  • Have you ever been invited to speak? How did you tell your story?
  • What in your experience is least effective about a speaker?
  • What in your experience makes for a good story?
  • Heard a good speaker lately? Let us know who they are and why you thought their message was an effective one?

10 Responses

  1. Donna R. - Toronto says:

    A speaker meeting is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you are going to get!

  2. Cameron F. says:

    I have been a guest speaker on a number of occasions through which I have learned many things.

    1) I don’t cuss during my talk. I remember an older lady who approached me after I spoke and said, "Cameron you have and good message, but oh you have a filthy mouth". Enough said.

    2) When I share what it was like, I do not spend a lot of time on it. Just enough to qualify as an addict. I share how the warning of doctor did not keep me sober. I share how my wife told me she wanted a divorce if I did not stop drinking and that did not stop me. I share about how sick I became and how that didn’t work. And I share how I moved away from all my people, places and things that caused me to drink and use, only to find new ones in the new location – it didn’t work. Finally I share, when I drink or use I can’t control it. And when I really don’t want to drink or use, I can’t seem to stay away from it. That is what makes me an addict/alcoholic.

    3) I always share for the bulk of my talk about how I worked my 12 steps, giving the audience an overview of what the 12 step program is all about. Remember, I’m sharing my story to carry our message to the addict who still suffers. I also share the benefits of this program. The promises I received. How great my life is today thanks to my relationship with a higher power.

  3. Rob Irwin says:

    I find the article interesting and thought provoking and reminiscent of my own beliefs at one time. These beliefs I have, I believe have morphed over the course of my sober time through reading, experience and observation. In the following, I question the minimization of the importance of the using story and the narrow negative judgement and absolutism of some of the other attached comments, opinions that I once shared.

    Certainly lengthy using stories based in ego are experiences many of us find of little value. Those of us who have attended meetings, also question the story that has no recovery portion or indication of current recovery. These problems I believe are quite distinct from the true role of identification which is the purpose of the properly focused using story.

    The using story is a vital part of the beginning of recovery for many. It was for me. An awakening I still vividly recall ocurred upon hearing a story that contained many of my own experiences and was the decisive factor in motivating me to ask the story teller to sponsor me. So began my journey via the steps to a higher power.I have been sober since.

    In the preface our Big Book it states " we hope that you may pause in reading one of the forty-two personal stories and think "Yes that happened to me"; or, more important, "Yes I have felt like that"; These are two important directions, so important I believe that they are the first directions in our Big Book. They are placed in a prominent position at the end of the preface for I believe good reason. These forty-two stories are the equivalent of the using stories told in our meetings today. They speak to identification and its importance.

    I believe the importance of this identification is why distinct fellowships have sprung to life with a common bond of substance or behavior. This fact is enshrined in the fifth tradition. This is not due to a desire to hear similar war stories but the necessity of the new person to identify prior to developing some small amount of belief, the first step in the journey to faith and our recovery.

    A further support of the importance of the properly told using story is exemplified in no less a place than Bill’s story, as written in the Big Book. In his story that covers 16 pages, 8 are what he was like, a full 50%! Mistake? I don’t think so. Seven pages are what happened – 40%. 1 page, and 10% is what he was like now. Not the percentages suggested in this article.

    Dr. Bob’s story in the Big Book again illustrates this point. His using story covers 9 of the total of 11 pages of his entire story. Further more he asks in his story, " What did the man do or say that was different from what others had done or said? "He continues,"…this was a man who had experienced many years of frightful drinking, who had most all the drunkard’s experiences known to man," He further states, in italics "…he was the first living human with whom I had ever talked, who knew what he was talking about in regard to alcoholism from actual experience. In other words he spoke my language." This was a talk that lasted six hours and fifteen minutes. It is no stretch to imagine some great measure of using stories were told at the birth of A.A.

    The language of the new prospect is the using story, and to a very great extent we must use and respect that fact. It is the way for the recovered alcoholic/addict to the heart and mind of the afflicted. Only, I believe, that established on the belief inspired by the using story can a message of recovery germinate and flourish. Alcoholic Anonymous Number Three has a very telling quote also from the first meeting with Bill and Bob. He states,"…before long we began to relate some incidents of our drinking, and pretty soon I realized that both of them knew what they were talking about, …If I had thought they didn’t know what they were talking about, I wouldn’t have been willing to talk to them at all". Where and when prospects begin to believe is in the hands of the higher power, but we most assuredly have a role and part of that role is the using story.

    Not to make too fine a point but historical tapes of Bill and Dr. Bob speaking have substantive portions of using story. Contemporary Big Book fundamentalists members Joe and Charlie have long using stories in each of there talks.

    The forementioned facts were enough even for me to question my conclusions about the using story and its role in recovery. There began one of the longest journies, the journey to open my mind.

    My journey to a revised point of view on the using story took me through a period of frustration in meetings. However, I began to see that although in some cases there was a problem from the front of the room the majority of the problem was in my seat and still is! I had forgot the ear of the newcomer is what we speak to fill and stir belief, not my own self centered rightousness.

  4. Scott Finan says:

    I just tell the truth.

    Life was a useless bag of shit (What it was like), before I found the Solution.

    I learned how to practice and to teach the 12 Steps. (What happened)

    I have been rocketed into the 4th Dimension that most people never dream of. (What it is like today)

    Lately, I challenge everyone present to do ALL 12 Steps and Work with Others, then, if doesn’t work I
    will send them their Money Back. A Full Refund of their misery.

  5. Daniel U. says:

    I agree with Rob on his statements in regards to the length of time one spends on identifying one’s self. If the meeting is 40min long, that means one would only spend 4min on discussing this. This incredibly crucial piece of information that either wins the entire confidence of a newcomer or doesn’t. This can’t simply be done with saying something simple and general.

    Bill’s Story is a great example. His story was the first one I had ever read and first alcoholic I ever heard. I am quite certain that if I did not know where he came from and feel like I was right there in his story with him, I would never have even considered listening to what he did.

    I think were the mistake lies is that people focus a lot of the material aspect of their addiction, lots of numbers, and quantities and times and monies.

    What I find beneficial is focusing on, while these were happening, what I was going through inside myself. What was going through my head and my heart and how as time progressed those feelings and thoughts not only overwhelmed me but consumed my existence.

    If a newcomer is not able to see themselves personally in my story, then they’ll never see themselves in the solution that worked for me – the same solution that worked for us all.

  6. Paul says:

    It was about three years ago when I heard her speak. There was nothing funny in her speech, as a matter of fact there was nothing funny at all; I can’t remember the percentages either – 10% of this or 70% of that – as a matter of fact I can’t remember anything about what was spoken. But I do remember this, I sat next to her and as she spoke something was spilling onto my shoes — her humility.

  7. Todd P says:

    I believe that a speaker should share Truth,Hope,and Experience. When I first heard Chris R speak I cried. I could definitely relate, I also liked the fact that he did not sugar coat the truth.I did not stay clean and sober for very long that time, But thanks to Crack and With gods help I came back with the full understanding of who I was and what was wrong with me and what i needed to do to recover. That was Jan 29 2006 and I have never obsessed about drugs or alcohol since.

  8. cherie stone says:

    Using stories is a much better way to say it then the term war stories.
    Everyones’ recovery is unique as should be their talks.

  9. vicster says:

    Live and Let Live. Telling what it was like can be a War Story, Battle with Addition is pain Staking, Beaten down by the beast. Flunking out at the School of Hard Knocks, Drunk A log, Dance with the Devil, Nothing wrong about any of those expressions. The main point is STEP ONE is clear. POWERLESSNESS. When I speak I often include how my addition was like my best friend that betrayed me, I never knew if I was going to have a blast or a black out.

  10. Danny G. says:

    The Treatment Industry has co-opted twelve step traditions, fellowship and meeting formats.

    Hearing “using stories” trigger the rehab clients that are bused to the meetings in droves of “druggie buggies”.

    The stories with profound ” bottoms” threaten these new clients’ “willingness to believe” that they really need to quit.

    AA needs their seventh tradition so they’ve catered to the whims of the Treatment programs. SAD

    The 80/20 Pareto Principle should be the guide post on AA speeches: 20 % solution.

    And finally: PLEASE let people take to the lecturn with a written outline. This will keep them steadfast in the face of emotional stirrings that the audience might evoke from the speaker.

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